Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Matter of Extreme Importance

The following is a piece of private correspondence between Inspector Bunting and Governor James Beauforth. I have chosen to release it to the public as a matter of personal and national integrity. — Kittery, Maine 20th April 1722 Dear Governor … Continue reading

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Fictional Conversation about a Turtle

“That turtle is definitely gonna get bigger.” “No, the pet shop told me they stay like this.” “That’s not true. That kind of turtle is definitely not that small.” “What do you mean? It’s obviously small.” “Well yeah, right now … Continue reading

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Anyone Can Dance

Now entering chat room: DANCE PARTY KrazyKatta03: Anyone wanna dance? BigBoiBG: Yea BigBoiBG takes KrazyKatta03’s hand and they walk out on the dance floor. They start dancing to a cool r&b song LIONSFAN85 has entered the chat. LIONSFAN85: wtf is … Continue reading

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Leather 6-Pack Holder Offers Great Way to Announce How Shitty You Are

In an effort to make it easier for pretentious assholes to communicate how shitty they are through contrived personal style, small-scale manufacturers and local design studios are churning out dozens of startlingly simple products with little-to-no utility. One such place, … Continue reading

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Are You Trying to Say ‘Bleachy’?

When a brilliant idea comes along, you can’t sleep on it. So when I saw this two-page photo in The Atlantic, and I noticed how impossibly white this guy’s clothing is despite being surrounded by dirt and fire, I knew … Continue reading

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My Favorite Maniac: Banastre Tarleton

Anyone who has ever been to any museum at all knows that even if for some reason you want to see everything, read every little plaque about every piece of fiber that was maybe used to make an old tunic … Continue reading

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INGREDIENTS: ;-)

I’m assuming there isn’t a person out there who isn’t familiar with the magical mystery luncheon loaf that is Hormel’s SPAM. Introduced in 1937 as an unsettlingly inexpensive dinner option for depresssion-era families, the infamous treat has been the butt … Continue reading

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Welcome, to Jurassic Park

As any American film critic worth his salt will tell you, Jurassic Park is the best movie of all time, and the only thing that could have made it better would have been the casting of Tom Cruise as the … Continue reading

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Annual Winter Sports Post

It’s February, which means it’s time for my obligatory annual winter sports post that I have never done before and probably never will again! I actually lifted this from my old tumblr, but it’s relevant again now that NPR aired … Continue reading

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Pleased to meat you.

As it turns out, there are still some Rally’s Hamburger joints that avoided the mass conversion to Checker’s Hamburger joints, whatever that is. Not that it really matters, because – much like underwear – a Big Buford is a Big … Continue reading

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