Welcome, to Jurassic Park

As any American film critic worth his salt will tell you, Jurassic Park is the best movie of all time, and the only thing that could have made it better would have been the casting of Tom Cruise as the Tyrannosaurus Rex. Sure, some say its sequel, The Lost World, leaves something to be desired, but what they don’t tell you is that the only thing you will desire after watching (and re-watching) is more of Jeff Goldblum’s portrayal of fiction’s most charismatic chaotician, Dr. Ian Malcolm.

Unfortunately I can’t really speak for the 3rd installment in the JP trilogy, other than to say it was nice to see Laura Dern for a second in a brief cameo as Dr. Ellie Sattler. But after that, raptors start talking and some wannabe t-rex eats a cell phone, to say nothing of the fact that there is not a frame of Goldblum to be seen.

It is with all of this in mind that I’ve gathered some of the best Jurassic Park fan vids on the ‘net.  This first one is probably my personal favorite, as it briefly and accurately sums up just why Ian Malcolm is so great:

Next, I’d like to showcase another notable character from JP, the greedy yet under-appreciated computer programmer Dennis Nedry. It seems Mr. Nedry’s supposed “strange laugh” in his introductory scene (below) has caused quite a stir among fans. However, there is sufficient evidence to support the argument that the noise heard is not actually produced by the portly programmer, but by the clandestine live dino DNA storage container disguised as a can of Barbasol Beard Buster when its air seal is broken. But I’ll let you be the judge:

After watching that clip, you are probably wondering who in the hell is that humorless dingbat in the red polo? Well, that’s Lewis Dodgson, an unethical scientist and rival of philanthropist John Hammond, the father of Jurassic Park. He’ll stop at nothing to steal secret dinosaur technology that actual ethical scientists have worked an ENTIRE DECADE to produce. But don’t worry, because in a beautiful display of jurassic justice, this next clip shows Dodgson getting his just rewards:

And finally, what would a collection of fan-produced videos be without some sort of half-assed montage set to a kind of inappropriate song? An excerpt from the description of this clip, made by YouTube user ShoopDancer2504, reads:

“This video is a huge deal for me. I LOVE JURASSIC PARK so much and I adore the character of Ian Malcolm. To me, HE IS Jurassic Park. Whenever I consider re-watching the trilogy, its always Jeff Goldblum that sways the vote. He is AWESOME!”

Well, it’s a huge deal for me too. This one just sends a chill right down my spinosaurus.

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